How to Uproot Bitterness
We don’t always acknowledge this truth, but life in ministry can really hurt. The hard work of spiritual leadership brings us face-to-face with the messiness of human relationships. Our own weaknesses and character flaws bump up regularly against others’ as we seek to love, teach, and direct others toward Christ. The platform of our ministry can make us a magnet for criticism and blame. We can run forward with a new idea or strategy, only to have no one follow behind us or support us. We can feel distanced from deep fellowship with those we disciple. Serve in ministry long enough, and you will navigate deep disappointment of one kind or another, whether that involves unrealistic performance expectations, stinging criticism, rejection of your ideas, or even just a sense of being shut out from community.
Disillusionment and pain in ministry can accumulate in our hearts over time and affect us deeply. If we are not watchful, feelings of discouragement and rejection have the potential to settle deep within our hearts and develop into a root of bitterness. We can become cynical, resentful, and hardened in our hearts toward those we have been called to love. We hurt so much that we can instinctively turn away from others in an effort to protect our hearts. Left unchecked, this state of heart can spread like a slow poison through our system and will stunt our relationships with everyone around us and muffle our ability to see and hear the Lord. Paul recognized this tendency when he spoke to the church at Ephesus about their relationships with one another. His encouragement is the reminder we still need today:
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31–32
Relief from Bitterness
What do we do if we begin to recognize the tentacles of bitterness wrapping around our hearts? How do we pursue healing that addresses both our hurt and our destructive response to it? Here are a few steps that will help you in the journey to healing.
- Take time to grieve.
Acknowledge the hurt you have suffered in your ministry, whether it was targeted straight at you or was unintentional. Name your pain, and take time to mourn the loss that has accompanied this hurtful experience. See what Scripture has to say about lament—the Psalms in particular are full of honest, raw sorrow over personal betrayal, questions about God, questions for God, and expressions of loneliness. The Lord invites us to wrestle with pain, and he doesn’t tell us to stuff it, ignore it, or smooth it over with churchy words. Instead, he wants us to come straight to him and pour it all out. Find a safe place to express and process the pain or betrayal you feel.
- Take your hurt directly to the cross.
The brutal death Jesus suffered in our place declares that sin is not okay. The hurt you have suffered is serious, and is part of the equation of sin that cost Jesus his life. The cross says that the brokenness of this world is real and that Jesus has felt the repercussions of every single wrong humans have suffered. The cross says that death had to happen in order for death to be overturned. Let your suffering Savior put a balm on your heart and let him be the one to carry the weight of your pain.
A good look at the cross also reminds us that we are just as guilty as our oppressors. This can be harder to see when we know we’ve been wronged, but the reality is that our own sin also required Jesus’s sacrifice. Our hearts needed the same rescue. It’s only when we remember this and remember how we have been forgiven that we can start on the path toward forgiving those who have hurt us.
- See what you can learn.
Learn as much as you can from your painful experience. Discussing your situation with a mentor may give you a wider perspective on a more helpful approach to initiating new programs, training volunteers, or listening to others’ concerns. Perhaps this experience will give you a better understanding of the fears and burdens of those you work with. Consider if there are any paths toward restoration and reconciliation where relationships have been broken. Ultimately, be on the watch for how the Lord will guide you in the next steps of faithfully serving him. Those next steps may feel weak, timid, or small, but they are giant steps of faith that say you trust that what man may have meant for evil, God can and will turn around for good.
- Look for new ways to love.
Often our greatest ministry comes out of our places of greatest suffering. As you seek the Lord’s help to heal and turn away from bitterness of heart, keep an eye out for how he wants to use your story. Someone near you will soon need to be shown mercy, encouragement, and a word of hope. The pain you have been through will serve as a training ground for how to enter someone else’s pain with compassion and a ready, listening ear. You will notice new opportunities to reach out with loving care—opportunities that may have totally escaped your notice before your own painful experience.
Don’t Give Up
As you work toward healing from wounds you have suffered in ministry, don’t give up in your efforts to love and equip others in the name of Jesus. The enemy would love nothing more than to use your discouragement to knock you out of the fight. Continue to use your gifts to glorify God and to watch him transform lives. Yes, it will still hurt sometimes, but you can entrust your heart to your faithful creator while continuing to do good (1 Peter 4:19).